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Invasion of privacy?
- Thread starter Rudyjohn
- Start date
RiverOtter
got any pics?
:scratch:Hmmmmm........ not sure I have an opinion on this yes. But leaning towards "I'm the parent (bet thats difficult for most of you to imagine) and I know best" 
Allifunn
FunnChef - AlisonCooks.com
At this point ...I am leaning towards knowing your child...I think both parties are right...it is all a matter of personal conviction. I do not think there is any "right or wrong" here...it depends on the situation and child 
I was a bit strong in my opinion....but I have read all the posts, and I have been known to soften my position....all a matter of
individuality
diversity 
and situation ....no one said it would be easy!!!!! :shock:
I was a bit strong in my opinion....but I have read all the posts, and I have been known to soften my position....all a matter of individuality
diversity and situation ....no one said it would be easy!!!!! :shock:
I am the mama and if there are any notes of any kind found in my house they will be read from beginning to end. period. its not that I don't trust or that I want to pry. if its there, it will be read. and I will tell the person (child or other) that I read it. if the content is such that it needs further discussion, then we'll do that.
who would just ignore a note they ran across in their home, even in their child's bedroom? it could be important. it could be nothing. it could be a just a glimpse into your child's relationship with a friend. it probably doesn't need your attention in any case. but...
who would just ignore a note they ran across in their home, even in their child's bedroom? it could be important. it could be nothing. it could be a just a glimpse into your child's relationship with a friend. it probably doesn't need your attention in any case. but...
At this point ...I am leaning towards knowing your child...I think both parties are right...it is all a matter of personal conviction. I do not think there is any "right or wrong" here...it depends on the situation and child
individuality
Everyone's answers and thoughts have been so interesting. You wouldn't believe the parenting websites that discuss how vitally important it is to respect your teens privacy. The Disney Family site (it was a hit; not my 1st choice) stated:
"even if you suspect your teen might be experimenting with drugs or sex, leave well enough alone -- hopefully, in time, he'll open up to you on his own. If you're just feeling generally curious about your child's thoughts and activities, then give him the same respect you'd like to receive yourself. If he catches you snooping, however, he'll likely see your invasion of his space as a breach of trust."
I read once a long time ago that a parent should read your child's notes. I always have and I've always told him so. I've even gone so far as to call the girl's mother once and gave her the daughter's notes. I thought she and I both needed to be concerned. BOY, talk about flipping out!!!!!!! She was monumentally PO'd that I'd read her daughters love notes to my son. Wow. That really threw me for a loop.
So thanks to everyone on the board for the thoughtful insights on this touchy subject. It's been a rough but enlightening year so far. I was really so unprepared for this girlfriend stuff. :shock:
Allifunn
FunnChef - AlisonCooks.com
A couple of years ago, one of my best friends found some notes that her son's girlfriend had written to him. She read them to me over the phone...they made it pretty clear that they were intimate. I DID NOT want to be a part of that...it was truly an invasion of privacy....I always wondered why she had to share it with me. She never talked to her son...she did not want him to know she had snooped. I kept thinking to myself...what in the heck is she going to do with the information, since she never acted on it? If you are going to read notes, then I do think it needs to be discussed with the child...that is why I applauded you JR, for talking to your son! 
NoHall
hmmmm......can't remember
This all reminds me of the play I went to see last week in New York. It's wildly popular with teenagers, and I've checked out some of the message boards to try to figure it out.
I think that it talks about so much of what was said in the last few posts. The first song in the show is "Mama Who Bore Me," sung by the female lead:
Mama who bore me.
Mama who gave me
No way to handle things.
Who made me so sad.
She begged her mother to tell her the real story of the stork, and her mother was too embarrassed. She refused to talk to her daughter about it. The Disney post reminds me of that. It's hoping against hope that nothing will happen so that no one has to talk about it.
Later in the play, another student is expelled from school for academic problems. His parents scold him for shaming them, so he reaches out to a friend's mother for support. She doesn't want to get involved.
The play is set in 1890 in Germany, which is an exaggeration, I'm sure. (Both kids end up dead--the girl's mother arranges a back room abortion, which goes badly, and the boy kills himself.) But I think what makes it so popular with the kids is that they are screaming out to be seen and validated. They want their parents to know who they are and accept them. I think they want you to know what they're doing so they can get through it.
Reading their notes or not reading them is a surface issue. (Allifunn's friend makes me mad, by the way. That's awful.) You brought the child into the world; you're responsible for guiding him through it and loving him as he is. I'm not preaching at you, Johnrudy. Just preaching! I'm really aggravated at that website you quoted!
I think that it talks about so much of what was said in the last few posts. The first song in the show is "Mama Who Bore Me," sung by the female lead:
Mama who bore me.
Mama who gave me
No way to handle things.
Who made me so sad.
She begged her mother to tell her the real story of the stork, and her mother was too embarrassed. She refused to talk to her daughter about it. The Disney post reminds me of that. It's hoping against hope that nothing will happen so that no one has to talk about it.
Later in the play, another student is expelled from school for academic problems. His parents scold him for shaming them, so he reaches out to a friend's mother for support. She doesn't want to get involved.
The play is set in 1890 in Germany, which is an exaggeration, I'm sure. (Both kids end up dead--the girl's mother arranges a back room abortion, which goes badly, and the boy kills himself.) But I think what makes it so popular with the kids is that they are screaming out to be seen and validated. They want their parents to know who they are and accept them. I think they want you to know what they're doing so they can get through it.
Reading their notes or not reading them is a surface issue. (Allifunn's friend makes me mad, by the way. That's awful.) You brought the child into the world; you're responsible for guiding him through it and loving him as he is. I'm not preaching at you, Johnrudy. Just preaching! I'm really aggravated at that website you quoted!
Yeah, I was too. Actually more confused. But the Disney website was not the only one. It was about 50/50. Then the girlfriend's mother 6 months ago. That really threw me! And this is a highly educated woman -- a nurse practitioner. So you see, there's no support with her. I've had to throw up my hands and go with my own intuition. But you'd think she'd be more protective of her teenage daughter. BUT, this is her last child out of 6 so I'm thinking she's not too worried about her possibly being married off at an early age. Well, not to my son, hopefully.
She even suggested that we all take a road trip together to visit colleges. Makes me want to gag. Thankfully, they're not in the same field.seacrestkristi
Beach Fanatic
Probably boils down to more her knowing by the 6th child that reading the note wouldn't change anything she'd already taught her daughter by that point. At some point hormones take over and hopefully the kids will be smart and safe when they do. This is one of the very funnest part of their lives in some ways. I guess the opposite would be worse, and that would be that no girls sent him letters. As a mom of 2 cute gulls, I can honestly say I never found one note only notes from other gulls talking about cute boys, etc. Yes, I plead guilty to reading one or two. The youngest left so many in her pockets I had a collection on the dryer and warned her to come and get them or I might just read one. Kind of sad, come to think of it, maybe I just don't remember. Are boys, in general, inclined to not show their emotions, especially in notes, as much as girls, or is that just a stereotype? Seems like maybe I do remember a note saying, Do you like me? Yes or No with boxes to check somewhere along the line. ;-) Whether they come to you or not when they get in trouble or better yet beforehand is what really counts and probably depends on a lot more and various factors besides if you read their notes or not. I can honestly say, I didn't feel any better after reading it, and neither did she, even if it wasn't a letter. It didn't do any good. Did anyone else have a teacher who would read the note aloud in front of the class if she found one? 
Talk about embarassing.
At some point hormones take over and hopefully the kids will be smart and safe when they do. This is one of the very funnest part of their lives in some ways. I guess the opposite would be worse, and that would be that no girls sent him letters. As a mom of 2 cute gulls, I can honestly say I never found one note only notes from other gulls talking about cute boys, etc. Yes, I plead guilty to reading one or two. The youngest left so many in her pockets I had a collection on the dryer and warned her to come and get them or I might just read one. Kind of sad, come to think of it, maybe I just don't remember. Are boys, in general, inclined to not show their emotions, especially in notes, as much as girls, or is that just a stereotype? Seems like maybe I do remember a note saying, Do you like me? Yes or No with boxes to check somewhere along the line. ;-) Whether they come to you or not when they get in trouble or better yet beforehand is what really counts and probably depends on a lot more and various factors besides if you read their notes or not. I can honestly say, I didn't feel any better after reading it, and neither did she, even if it wasn't a letter. It didn't do any good. Did anyone else have a teacher who would read the note aloud in front of the class if she found one? Talk about embarassing.
RiverOtter
got any pics?
Remember ..... It "for the children"