kathydwells
Darlene is my middle name, not my nickname
Today is Einstein's birthday. He would have been 107.
Few people remember that the Nobel Prize winner married his cousin, Elsa Lowenthal, after his first marriage dissolved in 1919.
He stated that he was attracted to Elsa because she was well endowed, and postulated that if you are attracted to women with large breasts, the attraction is stronger if there is a DNA connection.
This came to be known as Einstein's Theory of Relative Titty.
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One sunny day in 2008, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton."
The Marine replied, "Sir, Mrs. Clinton is not President and doesn't reside here."
The old man said, "Okay," and walked away.
The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton."
The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mrs. Clinton is not President and doesn?t reside here."
The man thanked him and again walked away. .
The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same Marine, saying, "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton."
The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mrs. Clinton. I've told you already several times that Mrs.
Clinton is not the President and doesn't reside here. Don?t you understand?"
The old man answered, "Oh, I understand you just fine. I just love hearing your answer!"
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow."
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A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand.
There's a hole in one of the bags, and every once in awhile a $20 bill flies out of it onto the pavement.
Noticing this, a policeman stops her. "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Damn!" says the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can still find some.
Thanks for the warning!"
"Well now, not so fast, "says the cop. "How did you get all that money? Did you steal it?"
"Oh, no, "says the little old lady." You see, my backyard backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there's a game; a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds! "So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say: "$20 or off it comes!" "Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. OK, good luck! By the way, what's in the other bag?" "Well," says the little old lady, "not all of them pay."
Few people remember that the Nobel Prize winner married his cousin, Elsa Lowenthal, after his first marriage dissolved in 1919.
He stated that he was attracted to Elsa because she was well endowed, and postulated that if you are attracted to women with large breasts, the attraction is stronger if there is a DNA connection.
This came to be known as Einstein's Theory of Relative Titty.
_____________________________________________________________
One sunny day in 2008, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton."
The Marine replied, "Sir, Mrs. Clinton is not President and doesn't reside here."
The old man said, "Okay," and walked away.
The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton."
The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mrs. Clinton is not President and doesn?t reside here."
The man thanked him and again walked away. .
The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same Marine, saying, "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton."
The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mrs. Clinton. I've told you already several times that Mrs.
Clinton is not the President and doesn't reside here. Don?t you understand?"
The old man answered, "Oh, I understand you just fine. I just love hearing your answer!"
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow."
__________________________________________________________
A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand.
There's a hole in one of the bags, and every once in awhile a $20 bill flies out of it onto the pavement.
Noticing this, a policeman stops her. "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Damn!" says the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can still find some.
Thanks for the warning!"
"Well now, not so fast, "says the cop. "How did you get all that money? Did you steal it?"
"Oh, no, "says the little old lady." You see, my backyard backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there's a game; a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds! "So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say: "$20 or off it comes!" "Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. OK, good luck! By the way, what's in the other bag?" "Well," says the little old lady, "not all of them pay."
not all of the pay!!!1
It's a good 'un.
