Invasion of privacy?

[iwishiwasthere]

I never read anything that was hidden or closed. If left out open, in plain sight, I may or not have read the note. My girls were pretty good and honest so it wasn't a huge issue. If I thought there was a problem, I would have read notes and talked to others. Peer pressure is so strong and hard to combat. Even good, responsible children make mistakes.....life is hard these days.

Since there is no perfect formula for parenting, do what works best for you and your family. Listen to your intuitition, but be willing to deal with the truth. That is the really hard part.

 

[seaside2]

You are the parent, not the friend. This is a hard concept for many folks to understand and master.

Control is difficult, and varies with kid, age, time of life, situation, and on and on. You do what your loving heart tells you is right. If you are not doing whatever it is that you do out of love, stop and think it over.

The kid will probably hate you for it, but that is the way it is. As long as there is genuine love and open communication, all should work out OK. Maybe not, but generally so.

 

[KISH7374]

I tried to have very open lines of communication with my boys as they were growing up. With my daughter it was very different. She was very independent and once she reached teen years we just didn't get along. After she moved out our relationship could never be better. I never read any notes but I did have a very good network that would report any wrongdoings. You need to trust your children but you also need to know when to step in and take control od a situation. That is a parent's job.

 

[scooterbug44]

I don't think you should be reading your kid's journal or a note from a friend ...... unless you think there is something going on or that they left something out just so you would find it. This is a pretty common way for kids to let you know about something without having to start the awkward conversation and giving them an out (I didn't tell - my mom was snooping and found your note, text, etc.)

I DO think you should monitor the heell out of their internet use and what they are posting on Myspace etc. Teenagers and the internet scare the sheet out of me!

Far better to be an interfering or overprotective parent than an early grandparent, have a kid on drugs, or worse. Parents are usually the last to know and it's usually because "denial ain't just a river in Egypt" and they were uninvolved or worried about being their kid's friend!

 

[scooterbug44]

sorry for the duplicate post - no idea why it did that

 

[Rudyjohn]

I don't think you should be reading your kid's journal or a note from a friend ...... unless you think there is something going on or that they left something out just so you would find it. This is a pretty common way for kids to let you know about something without having to start the awkward conversation and giving them an out (I didn't tell - my mom was snooping and found your note, text, etc.)

I DO think you should monitor the heell out of their internet use and what they are posting on Myspace etc. Teenagers and the internet scare the sheet out of me!

Far better to be an interfering or overprotective parent than an early grandparent, have a kid on drugs, or worse. Parents are usually the last to know and it's usually because "denial ain't just a river in Egypt" and they were uninvolved or worried about being their kid's friend!

There's no reading of journals or opening sealed letters. But he carelessly tosses notes everywhere, or in pants pockets from the laundry. And I've read most of them lately. (There are lots & LOTS of notes floating around our house.) The notes are always sugary sweet love notes, silly dialogue, hearts, etc. Surprisingly, no profanity or vulgar language. But when I noticed they've been too close lately, that's when I started taking this more seriously.

But you raise another thought provoking circumstance: How would monitoring their computer be any different? Some could say that this is an invasion of privacy as well. I mean, you can go thru the history and see what hits have been made. (yes, I've been there too; hits on topics that reinforce my worry).

Certainly, the most important issue here is to trust your child, hope you've taught them well, do the right thing and all that; let them live their consequences.

I was asked once when my son was a newborn, how things were going. I confidently replied that it was easy - couldn't believe how easy this baby stuff was. This wise gentleman (who at the time had a teenage daughter) smiled and said "it generally gets harder as they get older." I'll never forget that conversation.

 

[scooterbug44]

There's no reading of journals or opening sealed letters. But he carelessly tosses notes everywhere, or in pants pockets from the laundry. And I've read most of them lately. (There are lots & LOTS of notes floating around our house.) The notes are always sugary sweet love notes, silly dialogue, hearts, etc. Surprisingly, no profanity or vulgar language. But when I noticed they've been too close lately, that's when I started taking this more seriously.

But you raise another thought provoking circumstance: How would monitoring their computer be any different? Some could say that this is an invasion of privacy as well. I mean, you can go thru the history and see what hits have been made. (yes, I've been there too; hits on topics that reinforce my worry).

Certainly, the most important issue here is to trust your child, hope you've taught them well, do the right thing and all that; let them live their consequences.

Anything left in pockets for laundry is fair game - my mother also claimed any $ in an effort to get us to clean our pockets.

I'm willing to bet that your son knows more about sex than you can imagine from movies, friends, etc but actually believes most of the quality myths that are the despair of health professionals and responsible for most unplanned pregnancies & STDs.

As far as your monitoring the internet being an invasion of your kid's privacy - who cares! Your job as a parent is to protect and love your child. The computer/internet is a magical place where your child can meet people from across the globe and where any photos or personal information (however innocuous they first seem) can lead a sex predator to them.

At least when your child meets someone at the mall, school, etc there are witnesses and the person's ability to lie is much more limited. On the internet your daughter has no idea if the guy she is talking to is the cute guy from the nearby school or a convicted sex predator decades older than her who is about to REALLY break the terms of his parole. There are a lot of evil and scary people out there and the internet makes it really easy for them to communicate and meet your kid!

Just so you don't think I am sensationalizing this, try this link:
http://offender.fdle.state.fl.us/offender/homepage.do

If you really want to scare yourself (and ruin your appetite for lunch), do a neighborhood search!

 

[Rudyjohn]

I'm willing to bet that your son knows more about sex than you can imagine from movies, friends, etc but actually believes most of the quality myths that are the despair of health professionals and responsible for most unplanned pregnancies & STDs.

As far as your monitoring the internet being an invasion of your kid's privacy - who cares! Your job as a parent is to protect and love your child. The computer/internet is a magical place where your child can meet people from across the globe and where any photos or personal information (however innocuous they first seem) can lead a sex predator to them.

At least when your child meets someone at the mall, school, etc there are witnesses and the person's ability to lie is much more limited. On the internet your daughter has no idea if the guy she is talking to is the cute guy from the nearby school or a convicted sex predator decades older than her who is about to REALLY break the terms of his parole. There are a lot of evil and scary people out there and the internet makes it really easy for them to communicate and meet your kid!

Just so you don't think I am sensationalizing this, try this link:
http://offender.fdle.state.fl.us/offender/homepage.do

If you really want to scare yourself (and ruin your appetite for lunch), do a neighborhood search!

Hopefully, parents already do a search regularly. If they don't then they choose to be naive. But there are loopholes in this as well. unfortunately.


And I'm positive my son knows much (too much?) about sex. I'm hoping (I know, never say never) he's not so stoopid to fall for the myths today, but sadly there are those teens that do. But all the more reason to discuss what I've found.

 

[scooterbug44]

And I'm positive my son knows much (too much?) about sex. I'm hoping (I know, never say never) he's not so stoopid to fall for the myths today, but sadly there are those teens that do. But all the more reason to discuss what I've found.

There's knowing the jokes and there's knowing the practical aspects. Unfortunately it's not just teens who believe myths or are sloppy about birth control etc. I've got quite a few "surprise" cousins and have heard many of the myths stated as truth by adults.

 

[Bob]

This is a no brainer. Yes I would and so should you. Parents need to act like parents and take control to help guide your children. As long as they are under your roof, you need to be there. I would not open any sealed letters or open a diary, but I do read over there work and look @ all books/folders for any signs of something strange. They are your responsibility, help them make good choices. Be pro-active in their life!

you were a wild kid, no?