Overwhelmed...

[NoHall]

Last fall I was asked to play the piano at a memorial service for a lady in my church. I had only met her once or twice, but she was greatly loved and respected and I was honored to do it. Her husband requested that I play the old hymns, so I went through my old hymnbook and marked twenty or so.

When I got to the church, some of her friends and family were already there, so I went ahead and started playing. I have to admit that I was enjoying myself in a quiet sort of way. I was raised on those hymns, and if you can filter out all of the hogwash that Christians have imposed on Christianity, the bones of it can be quite beautiful.

The service began and ended, and I played for a few more minutes as the family left. The following week I received a letter from her husband, thanking me tenderly for my services. The check he enclosed was more than generous.

I just got back from the mailbox. I had another envelope from him with another check. He must be in his eighties, so my first thought was that he forgot he paid me a year ago.

Then I read the letter. I am copying it verbatim, with his italics and underlining:

"One year ago today, you played for Anne's Memorial Service.

Your music was beautiful. And, it was just like Anne would have wanted you to play.

Enclosed is an additional honorarium. I never did think that the initial one was adequate.

Thank you again for your superb contribution to Anne's Memorial Service, which I continue to remember with great appreciation.

Sincerely, "

I'm undone by this sort of generosity and gratitude; I'm not sure I deserve it!

This is what makes funerals so hard...The first time I played for one, the family sent me money. Their 20-something year old son had died suddenly from pneumonia. I asked my pastor about it--I hated to take money from a grieving family. He told me that they paid me because they were grateful, but that it would be perfectly alright for me to write them a note in return. (Normally one doesn't send a thank you note for payment of services rendered.)

As strange as it is to thank someone for a thank you, I can hardly not thank him. I am tempted to use the money to honor her memory...

What says the wisdom of SoWal?

 

[Bob]

You are dealing with kind, caring people. Any further expression on your part would be welcomed but not expected, because these folks have highly evolved manners.

 

[LightWorker]

Oh..this is so touching. I believe you deserve this gift. You gave him something worth so much that he remembers you and we know music can touch us very deeply. That is beautiful. You both have been given a gift.

 

[Rudyjohn]

I agree with both above posts. This is why you're a musician in the first place. Your love of music and sharing it with others. Funerals are hard - - but the weddings will balance it.

Your intuition is to return the generosity to this lovely gentleman. Write him a note expressing how you feel & how much it has touched you. It will mean the world to him.

Now, on to the business side - as an underpaid musician, do what you feel you should do. But there is nothing wrong in keeping this additional $$. This will continue to happen throughout your career. Feel honored & thankful but remember you need to pay your bills. Otherwise, you'll need to find another profession. ;-)

 

[ItzKatzTime]

NoHall, I tried to put myself in his shoes and decided if it were me I would want you to do something for yourself in her honor. I think a thank you card is now appropriate with words of comfort as it must be near the first anniversary. Enjoy, you deserve it....or if it makes you feel better help another........"Pass it on". I applaud your gift of music!

 

[LightWorker]

NoHall, I tried to put myself in his shoes and decided if it were me I would want you to do something for yourself in her honor. I think a thank you card is now appropriate with words of comfort as it must be near the first anniversary. Enjoy, you deserve it....or if it makes you feel better help another........"Pass it on". I applaud your gift of music!

 

[sbartoldus]

Nohall,

Whatever decision you make will be the right one. That is the beauty of gifts. I believe a true gift is always free. Honor it in whatever way you will and as long as you continue to honor it, it will feel free to come back to you.

 

[Jdarg]

Write the beautiful thank you note that I know you can write, take the money to NYC, and have a blast! Gifts are gifts- whether they are money, things, love, good health, etc. Enjoy the money- and remember the sweet old man that gave it to you always!

 

[Allifunn]

Write the beautiful thank you note that I know you can write, take the money to NYC, and have a blast! Gifts are gifts- whether they are money, things, love, good health, etc. Enjoy the money- and remember the sweet old man that gave it to you always!

Good words, Jdarg!
Let him know what playing during the funeral meant to you, too!

 

[seacrestkristi]

That's a little thing that means so much to both of you. Keep it.Yeah tell him what you just told us, about 'the bones' of the hymns and even though you met his wife only once or twice you were compelled and honored You know exactly what to say,;-) I bet. Graciously accept your gift, and your little note will just light up his day. If you had time, though ,what would probably be the most appreciated if you just stopped by to say hi. Old folks can be so lonely. Don't take the money with you though. They want you to have it.